Mexico’s beleaguered tourism sector is hunkering down in the foetal position, wondering where the next disaster is coming from. Already hard hit by seasonal hurricanes, rising crime and worldwide recession, it was one of the sectors that the COVID pandemic sneezed on most emphatically. But the real coup de grace was still in the making. Seeking to cut corners on its translation services, the Ministry of Tourism brought the sector down to new lows with a series of lamentable mistranslations on its English-language website VisitMexico.com
The linguistic lampooning included gems like the translation of Guerrero as Warrior, Hidalgo as Noble, and Torreón as Turret. Obviously we can’t let things lie like this, so, while tour operators the world over scratch their heads in befuddlement, we have decided to invite you on a trip around the country and its numerous stellar destinations. For your convenience we have translated the names of some of the more prominent locations VisitMexico.com-style.
So, what better than to start by heading south to Mexico’s Pacific coast and enjoying the sunny beaches of Hidden Port? From here we can turn inland and visit Chiapas to enjoy the splendid architecture of Saint Christopher of the Houses.
Further afield, the Yucatan Peninsula awaits the intrepid visitor with its mysterious jungles, Mayan archaeology and colonial buildings of That Really Hurt!, known in Spanish as Valladolid. And don’t even think about leaving that part of the country before checking out Carmen’s beach. Yes it’s hers, but she really doesn’t mind if you visit, so long as you don’t leave copies of Webster’s dictionary lying around on the sand.
If you’re looking to get off the beaten track, how about venturing north to Dog’s Asshole, known to the local populace as Culiacán, in the enigmatically-named state of Without Al or A, more commonly called Sinaloa? And while you’re exploring the country’s northern reaches, don’t forget the world-famous beaches of Corporal Saint Luke or the industrial powerhouse, King’s Mountain, in New Lion.
As you head back south towards the capital, it’s worth stopping off for some tea or coffee at Hot Waters, not to mention the up-and-coming What a Challenge Rodrigo! referred to by most nationals as Querétaro.
No trip to Mexico would be complete without sampling the country’s rich and varied cuisine. We recommend some fat little women, flutes, sandals and a couple of female Americans. If you can’t stomach that, then we suggest you go back to Carmen’s beach where you left that copy of Webster’s dictionary. Bon voyage!